"I dumped my pony's manure in his driveway and left a note that said: "If you treat me like shit, you get shit"...


I tried to break into his house to get some of my stuff and I have a huge scar on my wrist because my hand went through the window...


I hung a barbie from his new Prius with a bag around her neck...


it's sad really. that he can't see that these are minor versus what other people have done...


My therapist talked me out of something else too."

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Brian Schofer and The Handy J


The Handy J [as Chelsea Handler likes to refer to it], or hand-job. is an art form. And I’m pretty good at them. I’ve got some special tricks and techniques that I like to use to give the guy I’m with complete pleasure and a full release. I know how to use my hands to their greatest capacity and have an excellent skill set sexually.

Brian Schofer loved to get a Handy J in the morning (he’s a morning sex guy— too tired at night— he likes to be in bed by 10pm. One time he went to bed at 8:20 and I was in bed reading a book and I said, “You are kidding me. It’s way too early.”). All through our 8-year-long friendship I continued to give him hand jobs. I was getting sex from guys I was dating over the years. He didn't date anyone all that time. Sometimes he’d wake me up as early as 6 a.m. by fondling my nipples and then he’d roll me over and then as we’d like to joke “mount up.” Of course I would tell him he needed to go grab a towel and get the lube. I didn’t want him cumming all over me or whatever I was sleeping in. While Brian might not like long make-out sessions, or other forepay, Brian loves boobs. Loves to suck them, lick them, stroke and pinch my nipples etc and I have big ones: 36C. Usually while I gave him a Handy J, he’d lick and suck my tits [thus the reason he would be on top while I gave him a handy J—boob access]. I would lube him up and off I’d go. [I am not giving away my special techniques and secrets. You can figure them out on your on but mine work! Guys really dig them]. I would keep going—stroking in my special style, fondling his balls and letting him suck my tits until he would finally cum.

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