I thought I wanted to maintain my now 11-year friendship with Brian Schofer of Akorri. Brian used to be the ideal person to call for advice or turn to in crisis or ask questions or go see a play or go to a museum or be silly with. I missed him so much that I am not eating. My iron level has dropped from the normal 20 to 6. I have lost another 10 pounds.
Brian's m.o. is carrot-stick-carrot-stick-carrot-stick. He's an ass. He has to be in control and hold all the power in the relationship.
He doesn't care. He just doesn't care. He told me today that "there's nothing you have to say that I want to hear." He didn't "want me for a friend." Ten years? Nice. I only showed him all the best restaurants and cultural spots in Boston and Cambridge but the truth is the girl who grew up riding horses competitively is too cool for a working class guy from Natick, Mass. He cannot even hold a fork correctly. He eats at all these nice restaurants and shovels in his food and quickly. It's almost embasrassing. He should be savoring an expensive meal. He's also an alcoholic. He will pour a glass of wine for me and finish the rest for himself. I've decided enough. I don't need to follow his ridiculous rule to "win back" his friendship which is useless to me anyway. He has been verbally and physically abusive [he hit me in the face one time and tried to physically remove me when he got angry at around midnight several times from his house] during the last ten years and I've pretty much been allowing him to treat me that way because then he swings back and becomes rational again. But when he gets angry, he rages HARD.
I am self-destructing because he does not want to be my friend. And this is the last thing I though I'd say as a feminist that a guy is going to do me in, but it turns out that is exactly what is happening. As a friend, Brian could be demanding and sometimes order me about, but other times we would laugh and just have so much fun together.
He told me he never wants to see me, talk to me or hear from me via email, text or phone EVER again. I can't fight that. Today he gave me a list of rules in order to MAYBE be friends again because I had acted atrociously. Atrociously, really and then he says Shut up. shut up a lot.?
Here's what I did:
I honked the horn in his work parking lot.
I called his brother [who didn't answer the phone] looking for him.
I called his house concern about him and his aunt was there.
I put up this site and these posts [many are very sweet].
I dumped my pony's manure in his driveway and left a note that said: "If you treat me like shit, you get shit" [paraphrase]
I filled up his VM with phone calls.
I moved his truck out of his garage to the end of the driveway [he was never in a fraternity; that's a fraternity prank]
I tried to break into his house to get some of my stuff and I have a huge scar on my wrist because my hand went through the window. I told him about it immediately. I could have just let him think someone else did it.
I hung a barbie from his new Prius with a bag around her neck.
I tried to cancel his BHH reservation for NYE b/c I had stayed there with him five times and didn't want him staying with someone else.
I go over to his house and "trespass" when for ten years I cleaned dried poop and pubic hair off his toilets and hung out there quite a bit.
it's sad really. that he can't see that these are minor versus what other people have done. I considered putting a nail in his tire before the Patriots game on Sunday but I don't want him hurt. My therapist talked me out of something else too.
to be his friend he said I had to:
stop posting things about him
stop calling his relatives
stop emailing him, calling him and texting him more than once a day ("you get one.")
stop coming to my house
stop coming to my work
Brian went from caring about me a few weeks ago. He fixed my Fios (I have a TiVO) and he said, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about you" to a profanity-laced tirade about how awful I've been to the next day emailing me and telling me I should get a CNA job for 24 hours/week and HE WILL PAY FOR LPN program to calling me and telling me I'm a bad friend [he didn't say "very, very bad" but the tone suggested this.]
He's holding my mental illness against me: I have clinical depression and anxiety. I've been on the wrong medication for a year and that could have affected much of my behavior of late. Made me much more rash and given me less of a filter. "I don't care," Brian said. Very very hurtful to hear from someone who was my friend for ten years.
You left my things on my porch covertly in the dark in 20 degree weather and then when you got home sent a text. four or so hours later, the stuff is still cold. And it's NOT all my things: my mountain bike? my scrubs upstairs? by books in closet downstairs by phone? my green chest that you broke and were going "to fix" for me-- all wanted and then you CALLED the POLICE on ME for TRESPASSING. On your "friend" of 11 years who used to be able to just let herself into your house. What are you hiding all of a sudden? Eight years without a girlfriend or date and suddenly what, pictures of the girl everywhere in the house?
So Brian Schofer, who only cares about Amy Steele "a little", I know how much this sites bothers you because you keep personal information to yourself so much.
So what that you stayed the Boston Harbor Hotel five times with me (in the same bed) and then took your new girlfriend there this year? You like the place. Or have no creativity or like familiarity.
My theory also is that you USED ME for ten years as your cultural attache to show you the ins and outs of Boston (although you still don't know your way around and get lost constantly) and all the cool spots to go, the great museums, the theatre etc so that you could then get a docile, suburban girl-next-door who you would have complete control over and impress her with your "knowledge" of the "big BAD city"
HOW CAN YOU FLIP THE CARING SWITCH OFF? REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOOK CARE OF ME AFTER ME LAPAROSCOPY? OR WHEN YOU LET ME STAY AT YOUR HOUSE AFTER I BROKE MY ANKLE-- YOU WERE THE SWEET BRIAN THEN THAT I WANT TO REMEMBER IF I NEVER SEE THAT BRIAN EVER AGAIN.
BUT I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME.
Priceless too. I was brought up on date two and Brian told me about it but would not provide details AT ALL even though it wouldn't "hurt me."
Then he keeps repeating:
"I'm not answering questions about her and I."
And he tells ME, the one with the masters in journalism that his communications skills are better than better but he cannot communicate his feelings/emotions and he has improper grammar. Nice.
Oh, he also YELLED at me again for "calling his relatives." Well 1. I called his brother b/c I knew he had gone there. No one picked up. If no one picked up. Does it count. 2. I called his house the other day because I didn't see his truck and worried about him [How would I know he FINALLY got the new Prius], so I called his house and his aunt, the just oh-so-friendly Barbara Ammarell of Boothbay, Maine answered. She hung up on me while I was in mid-sentence. I called back to say it was rude, she hung up again. I called again and like a child, she began beeping the numbers on the phone and I said, "That's not going to get rid of me. It doesn't bother me. It's just white trash." And it is. A 60-year-old woman behaving like a child. And Brian gets mad at me because I called his home and didn't know his aunt was even there.
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